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There was a walnut tree growing in a planter. I can tell because the root was attached to a walnut.

I left it on the concrete and a squirrel grabbed the walnut within a day.

I just practiced roller hockey in front of a midwest sunset and it was kind of amazing. Now I need a snow cone and an allowance and a deck of magic cards to really lean into this 14 year old self persona.

The hottest pool accessory this summer is a mullet.

Hello I am "MTV Classic appeals to me" years old.

Me, sobbing: you can’t just keep revealing every character to be a sociopath

Killing Eve: also this new character is a sociopath.

A tour bus unloaded a group of senior citizens at the Trader Joe’s today. I don’t want to be curmudgeonly but I will say that it changed the shopping experience.

I’m doing laundry which is how I noticed that I 100% wore a pair of pants all day with the tag on.

I wonder how much money I would have saved if I bought bowling shoes as soon as my feet stopped growing.

Yo how do I get tax breaks for working in Missouri? GM just got 2,700 per job per year when they threatened to cut all the jobs instead of half. I telecommute.

Kansas City: why do you stop ten feet behind the next car at red lights? One of these days I’m going to back into that spot you’re leaving.

jamesior boosted

I painted a fence the other day and now I have a new relationship with Tom Sawyer.

Question: am I already living in a world where I can say “hey Siri send toot”?

I don’t know what prompted them to plant a fuck your tree by the park

If I’m lucky these are all going to turn into delicious sweet cherries.

I think I saw Diana Kander at lunch and get this: she was eating lunch too!!

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Mastodon for Kansas City

Hey Kansas City, be friendly!