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The other day my keen eyes spotted a jock strap with a camp print on it and I just can’t fathom the situation where one would need their jock to blend in to the underbrush.

Group bathroom breaks are the synchronize watches of family missions

I realized today that one of my life goals is to drive through a fruit stand in a dramatic fashion and I really think with some planning I could make this happen.

Today my son was crying because i denied him permission to throw a bouncy ball at my face and now I understand how villains can feed off the tears of children

My wife and I had synchronized sneezes today if you were wondering how our relationship is going.

Me, at Trader Joe’s: I should not buy this thing I don’t need and save money instead

Trader Joe’s: haha no the total says you bought a lot

😭my home brew club presented me with my own mash paddle! It has my name engraved on it and everything

I played ice hockey at line creek yesterday. It was fun.

I was playing roller hockey and it got logged as a walk complete with gps so here’s where I skated I guess

Really excited about the iOS 13 feature that makes it look like you’re staring at the camera when you’re looking at the screen!

hey hey the city RT bots are back, for those of you who really missed them...

“Sorry to bother you guys, however [daughters friend] has been worried about [daughter] lately because she has not seen her on roblox and wanted me to check in with you guys to make sure that she is OK?”

An actual text I received today.

jamesior boosted

Who should I follow for random interesting things, low shitpost and mostly posting in english (like 60%)?

You can reply with yourself.
Boost ok

The empire has a shield generator positioned on the forest moon Endor

wow what a nice shiny mastodon version 2.9.2 we have here you all must have a really kind and benevolent sysadmin-is person I guess cool

Soy, almond, cashew, oat, hazelnut, macadamia all these options for new non-dairy beverages. I’m just gonna come out and call it now, Peanut Milk is the next big thing.

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Mastodon for Kansas City

Hey Kansas City, be friendly!